January 12, 2020 www.PositiveChristianity.org presents Positive Daily Inspiration SUNDAY FUNNIES January 12, 2020 www.PositiveChristianity.org now in our 21st year presents Positive Daily Inspiration Sunday Funnies (Submitted with our great thanks) "Walk in newness of life." Romans 6:4 I was in the Express Lane at the store, quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So, which 15 items would you like to buy?" **** Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately. **** All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card. **** Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?" Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man." Merle commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people’s lives." Don said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!'" **** Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute." Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute." **** A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me. What should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. "I spoke to your wife...spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man said "yes." The Rabbi replied, "Take the poison." **** THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus. POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER: PROTECTION (DECREE) - YOU ARE PROTECTED In Jesus Christ’s name, I decree that you are given God-given powers like angels that have charge over you. These angels guard you and keep you from harm. God gives you an instinctive ability to choose what is right and good for you. God protects you from disease and disaster. God gives you the ability to think quickly, to make decisions and to act wisely. God is your protection against accidents, loss, or any frightening experience. God gives you the ability to adjust yourself to circumstances, and to keep happy in your heart wherever you are. God is more powerful than personalities and God's love protects you from the human tendency of anger hate and revenge. God empowers you to give and receive love, and your heart is filled with peace, contentment and joy. God protects you from periods of loneliness and unhappiness with a steady confidence that comes from an awareness of being in the presence of God. You are surrounded with the security of God. It is so.... Immediately.... Amen POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: I am a child of God. I have been created to inherit wholeness, and I do. POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: "Appreciation is a wonderful thing; it makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well." Voltaire _____ THANK YOU we need, and thank you for your support: Online donations http://www.positivechristianity.org/donatepc.htm Donations by mail: Positive Christianity Box 7993 Woodlands, Texas 77387 ___ NEED PRAYER? Reply - Positive Christianity will pray with you, daily, for an entire 2 months. There Is Never a Charge for Prayer. 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