August 25, 2019 www.PositiveChristianity.org presents Positive Daily Inspiration SUNDAY FUNNIES August 25, 2019 www.PositiveChristianity.org for the 20th year presents Positive Daily Inspiration Sunday Funnies (Submitted with our great thanks) "Then God said, 'Let there be light.'" Genesis 1:3 A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men. Excited to prove to his wife his long-held contention that women in general, and his wife in particular, talked too much, he showed her the study results, which stated: "Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000." His wife thought awhile and finally said to her husband, "It's because we have to repeat everything, we say." The husband said, "What?" _______ Two men, Bob and Tim, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Bob says to Tim, "So listen, Tim, you know I don't swim so well." Tim remembers how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid, so he begins tugging Bob toward shore. After ten minutes, he begins to tire. Finally, about 100 feet from shore, Tim asks Bob, "So Bob, do you suppose you could float alone?" Bob replies, "Tim, this is a heck of a time to be asking for money!" _______ It was mealtime during a flight on Delta "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Michael, seated in front. "What are my choices?" Michael asked. "Yes or no," she replied. _______ Politics in Action A congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise!" ________ The Raise Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you? Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you? Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years. Boss: Yes. Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first. Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time. Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic downturn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro-activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade. Boss: Considering these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound? Employee: Great! It's a deal! Thank you, sir! Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you? Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company! ____ Have you considered donating? GOD BLESS YOU – THANK YOU for your support: Online donations http://www.positivechristianity.org/donatepc.htm Donations by mail: Positive Christianity Box 7993 Woodlands, Texas 77387 ____ POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER: Dear God, I do not limit my faith by doubting. I believe bigger. My faith is solid in You and Your goodness in my life. I remind myself that it is God who is in charge, not me. Dear God, I know that You always prevail. With God, all things are truly possible. I know this. I believe this. I base my life on my faith in God. In Jesus Christ's name… Amen POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: With faith in God, I open my life to all possible blessings. POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: "When we keep turning to the past, we are metaphorically turning our backs on the future." NEED PRAYER? Reply - Positive Christianity will pray with you, daily, for an entire 2 months. There Is Never a Charge for Prayer. Television channels (Free Service): Inspiration http://www.youtube.com/PositiveChristianity Prayer http://www.youtube.com/prayerAmerica Meditation http://www.youtube.com/PositiveChurch If a friend forwards this message to you - get Positive Daily Inspiration direct in your email inbox every morning. Text POSITIVEMINISTRY to 22828 to easy, free subscribe. GOD BLESS YOU, Christopher Ian Chenoweth Reply - if you have a prayer need, Positive Christianity will pray with you daily, for an entire month. There Is Never a Charge for Prayer. GOD BLESS YOU, Make It a Great Day !_______Christopher Ian Chenoweth