June 16, 2019 www.PositiveChristianity.org presents Positive Daily Inspiration FATHER'S DAY SUNDAY FUNNIES June 16, 2019 www.PositiveChristianity.org for the 20th year presents Positive Daily Inspiration Father’s Day Sunday Funnies (Submitted with our great thanks) "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts." Colossians 3:15 Happy Father’s Day to all the wonderful fathers! There were four country churches in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels. One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will. In the Methodist Church, the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery bowl. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery bowl and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week. The Baptist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back. But the Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter... ________ Subject: Children's Science Exam Answers These are real answers given by children. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts---the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term Caesarean Section! " A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?' A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Donations – GOD BLESS YOU – THANK YOU for your support: Online donations http://www.positivechristianity.org/donatepc.htm Donations by mail: Positive Christianity Box 7993 Woodlands, Texas 77387 POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER: Dear God, I agree, if any thoughts of lack come to me this day, I hold fast to the truth that in reality You have already provided me with abundance. I quickly direct my attention to spiritual perfection. I think of Jesus words, "So if your eye (vision) is sound, your whole body will be full of light." Walking with You, with mind and heart poised, I step into a new day of greater discovery. In Jesus Christ's name… Amen POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: I smile inside because I know God is with me. POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: "Cheerfulness is contagious but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier!" Unknown NEED PRAYER? Reply - Positive Christianity will pray with you, daily, for an entire 2 months. There Is Never a Charge for Prayer. Television channels (Free Service): Inspiration http://www.youtube.com/PositiveChristianity Prayer http://www.youtube.com/prayerAmerica Meditation http://www.youtube.com/PositiveChurch Grand 20th anniversary spiritual retreat cruise - without paying any program fees. Begins at $499 per person (inside double occupancy) leaving from New Orleans to Belize city Belize, Roatan Honduras, Cozumel Mexico and returning to New Orleans Sunday, November 10 to Sunday, November 17. We will offer a masters class on getting answered prayer and many other subjects - mornings at sea. LIMITED AVAILABILITY. A deposit will hold your cabin of your choice. Final payment August 15. 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