February 17, 2019 www.PositiveChristianity.org presents Positive Daily Inspiration

 SUNDAY FUNNIES

February 17, 2019 www.PositiveChristianity.org for the 20th year presents Positive Daily Inspiration

SUNDAY FUNNIES (Submitted with our great thanks)

"Take with you words and return to the Lord." Hosea 14:2

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending
and having the two as close together as possible.
(George Burns)

Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.
(Victor Borge)

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
(Mark Twain)

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
(Mark Twain)

By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you
get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
(Socrates)

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
(Groucho Marx)

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech – every now and then she
stops to breathe.
(Jimmy Durante)

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and
kindness can be trained to do most things.
(Jilly Cooper)

I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
(Zsa Zsa Gabor)

My wife says I don't listen to her ... or something like that.
(Pat Paulsen)

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you
nothing. It was here first.
(Mark Twain)

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
(Ed Furgol)

Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form
of misery. (Spike Milligan)

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
(Henny Youngman)

I am not opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the
position. (Mark Twain)

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.'
(Joe Namath)

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it; at my age I'm very pleased to
be anywhere. (George Burns)

At my age flowers scare me.
(George Burns)

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
(Herbert Henry Asquith)

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about
your age. (Lucille Ball)

I don't feel old - I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my
nap. (Bob Hope)

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
(W.C. Fields)

Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him "Be fruitful and
multiply." But not in those words.
(Woody Allen)

If only God would give me some sign...a clear sign! Like making a large
deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
(Selections from the Allen Notebooks, New Yorker)

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your
children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain
control of your estate.
(Woody Allen)

If you want to make GOD Laugh, tell him your future plans.
(Woody Allen)

Those are my principles, if you don't like them...... I have others.
(Groucho Marx)

Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I
have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that
statement.
(Mark Twain)

POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

Dear God, I return to You for peace and tranquility. 
Touch me so that I may be unruffled and undismayed. 
Fill me with peace and quietness.

 In Jesus Christ name… Amen


POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: I am calm, serene, trusting.


NEED PRAYER? Reply - Positive Christianity will pray with you, daily, for an entire 2 months. There Is Never a Charge for Prayer.

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God bless you,
Christopher Ian Chenoweth

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GOD BLESS YOU, Make It a Great Day !_______Christopher Ian Chenoweth