February 10, 2019 www.PositiveChristianity.org presents Positive Daily Inspiration SUNDAY FUNNIES February 10, 2019 www.PositiveChristianity.org for the 20th year presents Positive Daily Inspiration Sunday Funnies (Submitted with our great thanks) "We have this hope, a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul." Hebrews 619 Just moved to town, Gladys Dunn decided that on the first Sunday, she'd visit the church nearest to her new apartment. She found herself in a pretty sanctuary, and as the service began, she enjoyed the music offered by the choir. But when the sermon began, it went on and on and on. In fact it was without substance and not at all interesting. Glancing around, she noticed that many in the congregation were nodding off, not even trying to stay awake. Finally, it was over, though, and people stood up for the final hymn. After the service, to be social, she turned to the still sleepy-looking gentleman next to her, extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn." The gentleman replied, "You and me both!" ******************************************* Recently, we have received credible intelligence that there have been seven terrorists working in your office. Six of the seven have been apprehended. Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, Bin Goofin, Bin Lunchin, Bin Drinking and Bin Brown-Nosin have all been taken into custody. At this time, no one fitting the description of the seventh cell member, Bin Workin, has been found at your office. We are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot. You are OBVIOUSLY not a suspect at this time. So, keep on doing what you Bin Doing. ******************************************* Kids...God bless 'em! 1. A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went: step, step, ROAR; step, step, ROAR; all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear." 2. One Sunday, in a Midwest city, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle. On his way out, just before reaching the privacy of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!" 3. One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets, as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." 4. A little boy was overhead praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am." 5. The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?" 6. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied. 7. A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?" 8. I had been teaching my three-year-old daughter, Caitlin, The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail. Amen." 9. A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' " Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus." 10. A Sunday School class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife." God bless you for your financial help for our spiritual inspirational ministry for people of all faiths. http://www.positivechristianity.org/donatepc.htm By mail: Positive Christianity Box 7993 Woodlands, TX 77387 POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER: Dear God, on this Sunday I dedicate my day and the hours contained to You. I worship, and I give thanks. I seek to give back for all that has been done for me. I pray that I am on the spiritual path of making a difference with my life. In Jesus Christ's name… Amen POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: The laughter of God is a serenity of the soul that fills my mind and body. POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: "The secret of getting ahead is getting started." Unknown NEED PRAYER? Reply - Positive Christianity will pray with you, daily, for an entire 2 months. There Is Never a Charge for Prayer. Television channels (Free Service): Inspiration http://www.youtube.com/PositiveChristianity Prayer http://www.youtube.com/prayerAmerica Meditation http://www.youtube.com/PositiveChurch Join me next November Beginning at only $499 – Nov. 10-17, 2019 20th Anniversary Celebration Spiritual Retreat Cruise: http://www.positivechristianity.org/retreatcruise.htm God bless you, Christopher Ian Chenoweth Reply - if you have a prayer need, Positive Christianity will pray with you daily, for an entire month. There Is Never a Charge for Prayer. GOD BLESS YOU, Make It a Great Day !_______Christopher Ian Chenoweth