February 3, 2019 www.PositiveChristianity.org presents Positive Daily Inspiration SUNDAY FUNNIES February 3, 2019 www.PositiveChristianity.org for the 20th year presents Positive Daily Inspiration Sunday Funnies "Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong doing. It does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13 "Recipe for Baking a Cake with Your Child's Help" Preheat oven. Check to be certain that there are no rubber balls or plastic soldiers on the oven shelves. Remove blocks and toy cars from table. Grease pan. Crack nuts. Measure 2 cups flour; remove Johnny's hands from flour; wash flour off him. Re-measure flour. Crack more nuts to replace those Johnny ate. Put flour, baking powder and salt in sifter. Get dustpan and brush up pieces of bowl Johnny knocked on floor. Get another bowl. Answer doorbell. Return to kitchen. Remove Johnny's hands from bowl. Wash Johnny. Answer telephone. Return. Remove 1/4-inch salt from greased pan. Look for Johnny. Grease another pan. Answer telephone. Return to kitchen and find Johnny. Remove his hands from bowl. Take up greased pan and remove layer of nut shells in it. Head for Johnny, who runs, knocking bowl off table. Wash kitchen floor, table, walls, dishes. Call bakery, place order. Take two aspirin. Lie down _____ While assembling furniture, Mary asked her roommate's five-year-old son to bring her a screwdriver. "Do you want a 'Daddy' screwdriver or a 'Mommy' screwdriver?" the little boy asked. Confused with the question, Mary said, "Bring me a 'Mommy' screwdriver." The child came back and handed her a butter knife. For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day, the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!" A mother and her young son returned from the grocery shop and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "Therefore, I'm looking for the seal", he cutely said. Funny Quotes saluting women and motherhood: "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them." - Phyllis Diller "It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him." - Helen Rowland "The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." - Calvin Trillin "A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie." - Tenneva Jordan "There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it." - Chinese Proverb "You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back." - William D. Tammeus "My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it." - Buddy Hackett "Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease." - Lisa Alther "My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth certificate, so that I wouldn't have to pay the extra fifty cents that the adults had to pay." - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar "My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it." - Mark Twain POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER: Dear God, thank You for my life. Through the power of the language of prayer I sent You blessings today, and my profound thanks. I pray that You will directly bless others as You have blessed me. In Jesus Christ's name … Amen POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: I choose to be a caregiver and wayshower to another that needs my help. POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: "God finds a low branch for the bird that cannot fly." Turkish Proverb NEED PRAYER? Reply - Positive Christianity will pray with you, daily, for an entire 2 months. There Is Never a Charge for Prayer. Television channels (Free Service): Inspiration http://www.youtube.com/PositiveChristianity Prayer http://www.youtube.com/prayerAmerica Meditation http://www.youtube.com/PositiveChurch Beginning at only $499 – Nov. 10-17, 2019 20th Anniversary Celebration Spiritual Retreat Cruise: http://www.positivechristianity.org/retreatcruise.htm Give and it will be given to you: http://www.positivechristianity.org/donatepc.htm By mail: Positive Christianity Box 7993 Woodlands, TX 77387 Thank you! God bless you, Christopher Ian Chenoweth Reply - if you have a prayer need, Positive Christianity will pray with you daily, for an entire month. There Is Never a Charge for Prayer. GOD BLESS YOU, Make It a Great Day !_______Christopher Ian Chenoweth