August 19, 2018 www.PositiveChristianity.org presents Positive Daily Inspiration SUNDAY FUNNIES “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for You are with me.” Psalm 23:4 DID I READ THAT SIGN RIGHT?!? “TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.” ------------------------------ ------------------------------ In a London department store: "BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS" ------------------------------ ------------------------------ In an office: "WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN." ------------------------------ ------------------------------ In an office: "AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD." ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Outside a second-hand shop: "WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?" ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Notice in health food shop window: "CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS" ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Spotted in a safari park: (I sure hope so.) "ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR." ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Seen during a conference: "FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR." ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Notice in a farmer's field: "THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES". ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Message on a leaflet: "IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS." ------------------------------ ------------------------------ On a repair shop door: "WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.)" ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say? 'Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter' This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Really? Ya' think? ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Now that's taking things a bit far! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Miners Refuse to Work after Death No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant See if that works better than a fair trial! ----------------------------- ------------------------------ War Dims Hope for Peace I can see where it might have that effect! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile Ya' think?! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Who would have thought! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide They may be on to something! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Man Struck by Lightning: Faces Battery Charge He probably IS the battery charge! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Weren't they big enough?! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft That's what he gets for eating those beans! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Chainsaw Massacre all over again! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Hospitals are Sued by Seven Foot Doctors Boy, are they talll ------------------------------ ------------------------------ And the winner is... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that right? POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER: Dear God, on this Sunday I pray that I make a difference. I will knowledge others with warmth and a smile. I will silently pray for all that I meet for your blessings of good. In Jesus Christ’s name… Amen POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: Through grace and love, I am blessed with an abundance of God's good. POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: "In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual." Galileo Galilei Reply - if you have a prayer need, Positive Christianity will pray with you daily, for an entire month. There Is Never a Charge for Prayer. GOD BLESS YOU, Make It a Great Day !_______Christopher Ian Chenoweth