June 17, 2018 www.PositiveChristianity.org presents Positive Daily Inspiration

 FATHER’S DAY SUNDAY FUNNIES

The greatest, kindest, most intelligent man I ever knew was my father. I think wonderful thoughts of him on this Father’s Day.

“New things I now declare!” Isaiah 42:9


A man’s guide to install a home security system:

1) Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.

2) Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine.

3) Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4) Leave a note on your door that reads:

Me, Robert, John, and Brutus went for more ammo. 
Be back in less than an hour. 
Don't mess with the pit bulls. 
They got the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. 
Anyway, I locked all 4 of them in the house. 
Better wait outside. 
Be right back.
____

Actual answers on college exams:

Q1.. In which battle did Napoleon die? * His last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * At the bottom of the
page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * Liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * Marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * Exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple? * The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? * It
will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping? * No problem, he sleeps
at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? * You will never find an
elephant that has only one hand.

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples
and three oranges in other hand, what would you have? * Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take
four men to build it? * No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
_____

A smile - is a sign of joy.
A hug - is a sign of love.
A laugh - is a sign of happiness.
And a friend like me? -Well that's just a sign of good taste!
_____

RETARDED GRANDPARENTS
(This was reported by a teacher)

A teacher asked his young pupils to write an essay on
how they spent their holiday away from school.

One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa.
They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Batemans Bay 
where everyone lives in nice little houses, and so they don't have to mow the grass anymore!
They ride around on their bicycles and scooters and wear name tags because they don’t know who they are anymore.
They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now. 
They do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.
There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.
At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. 
He watches all day, so nobody can escape.                                               
Sometimes they sneak out and go cruising in their golf carts!
Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night - early birds.
Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. 
The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.
My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment 
and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.
When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house.
Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

Dear God, help me to spread the laughter, 
Help me to share the cheer
Let us ALL be happy, while we're here!!

Amen

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: God blesses me with joy and happiness.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: "Joy is the simplest form of gratitude." Karl Barth

Reply - if you have a prayer need, Positive Christianity will pray with you daily,
for an entire month.  There Is Never a Charge for Prayer.

GOD BLESS YOU, Make It a Great Day !_______Christopher Ian Chenoweth